WHAT THOREAU IS MISSING
BY SHANNON PEACH
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The satisfaction of bolting together his own particleboard furniture from Ikea
Having his own reality show: American Evildoer, or So You Think You Can Oppose a War?
Petroleum-based processed-cheese food products
Fender Strats
McDonald's Fruit & Walnut Salad with the revolutionary green plastic fork
Lite rock, less talk
Unlimited anytime minutes
The visible-thong phenomenon
UPIN20MINS
Co-hosting telethons with Don Henley to save Walden Woods
METHODS OTHER THAN SONG BY WHICH ONE CAN BE KILLED SOFTLY
BY JONATHAN HOLLEY AND EMILY LAWTON
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Chinchilla attack
Asphyxiation by cupcake
Egyptian tomb booby-trapped with goose down
Smothering by fatties
Poison meringue
Allergic reaction to cashmere
Stuffed animal avalanche
Heart attack induced by 16-year-old girl's skin
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Hmmm...
ReplyDeleteBlackBerries
ATVs all over Yosemite
Superfund sites
Star Trek
The New Pornographers
The ouvre of Jenna Jameson
Candy ravers
Bjork
Strangers With Candy
Methodone
The Prius
I am all about the bolting of Ikea furniture. But, dammit, I didn't get any particleboard!
ReplyDelete(If I never see another hex wrench it'll be too soon)